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How can I help without a permission?

Someone asked me via the contact form on our website and my answer was:

How can I help without a permission?

I'm quick on the draw when it comes to crises, as I believe that most people don't know how to deal with them in a sustainable, loving, helpful way. They have never learnt how. That's where I come in, if the other person WANTS it!

The official idea is "no coaching without a mandate". Translated into everyday life, this means for me privately and for NON-coaches or therapists, no help without a mandate, without the other asking for it. You only help when they actually ask you for support or advice, because as of now, you don't know yet, what is going on in their lives. Does that mean I leave my loved ones alone with their issues?

No, and at the same time:

We are not here to save others (newborn children up to a certain age excepted - they need parents).

So, why not?

Because we can often do more harm than good if the other side has NOT asked for our help and wants to do it themselves. It proves to them, they can do it. They are capable. If we intervene where it is not asked for, it can send signals to the other person that YOU don't think they are capable.

This can go in a bad direction, you don't want.

Because: for others, being able to save themselves is one of the key characteristics. What you can do as a friend or outsider is sit in the mud with them, be with them - in a supportive manner - until they can get themselves out. Then you get up and out with them - of the mud.


Because usually the other person knows what is best for them and is not yet in a position to realise this.

Nevertheless, support means that we are there for them. What that looks like, please ask the person you want to help, because they can help you best, how you can best support them or if at all.

My husband Paul and I will go into the question in more depth with examples in the podcast.

Until then, please feel free to recommend me as a relationship & communication coach, as one of my favourite things of all times is to guide and support couples in saving their marriage and family structures. If it can still be saved, we will succeed. The principles are simple IF the foundation ist rock solid.

Give yourselves and your loved ones a chance!

Lovingly L


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